We Tend To Marry Our Parents
GENERAL RELATIONSHIP GOALS:
- Show up — being present in the relationship and being there for someone (support)
- Tell your truth — ask for what you need, express your true feelings, no assumptions, be honest with your feelings (trust)
- Don’t attach yourself to the outcome — no expectations, not taking it personally, you did your best (boundary)
So when we fall in love, our old brain is telling us that we’ve found someone with whom we can complete our unfinished childhood business.
WE TEND TO MARRY OUR PARENTS — — we subconsciously search for partners who remind us of our parents. We choose them subconsciously so we can resolve our unresolved issues with our caretakers.
We repeat what was “normal” for us, even though it is not healthy for us. We learn from our environment, therefore we replicate it when we get older.
Consciousness is key; it changes everything.
REMEMBER Conflict is natural.
Romantic love is supposed to end.
“Romantic love is the initial bond that glues incompatible people together to do what needs to be done to heal each other.”
– DR. HARVILLE HENDRIX
The power struggle is also supposed to end.
The emotional bond that is created by romantic love to keep partners together through hard times evolves into a powerful organic bond through resolving conflict.
A conscious LOVE is NOT for the Faint of heart, for it requires LEARNING effective COPING SKILLS than crying, anger or withdrawal.
Conscious Love is reconnecting through dialogue, stretching to give our partners what they need to heal and asking for what we need to heal.
This is not easy BUT it works!
Regardless of what we believe, relationships are not born of love, but if need; REAL LOVE IS BORN IN RELATIONSHIPS.
You are already with your dream partner, but at the moment, he it she is in disguise — and, like you, in pain.
A conscious love or marriage or partnership itself is the therapy you need to restore your sense of aliveness and connectivity, and set you in the path of real love.
From the book, Getting The Love Your Want, by Harville Hendrix, Ph.D., & Helen LaKelly Hunt, Ph.D.